This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
