She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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