Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
