took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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