You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
