I can text with my tongue
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
