You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
