You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
