Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
