They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
