What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
