I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
