Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think my fart just growled at me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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