The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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