He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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