It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
