This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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