Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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