Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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