Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Found your dick twin last night
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
