WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
