He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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