Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
