38 yer olds are good kisserssss
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
