I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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