Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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