Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
