There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
