Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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