I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
