My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
