There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
wow bdsm is so cute
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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