ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
