True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
