dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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