absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
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I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
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She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...