I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.