if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend