Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.