Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
