There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
