I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
