I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
