i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
