i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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