ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
