Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
