Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just cut my nipple shaving
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
MIDGETS
????
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
