The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
