Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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