she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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