my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's rum buckets o'clock
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
