She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Is it penis luge time yet?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
