Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
