Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's never too late to be topless.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
