the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
