i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
