Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
