i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
