Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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