I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
