I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
