how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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