I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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