I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
