Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
