Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
