I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
