Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
