I think my fart just growled at me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
