oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
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Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
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HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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