he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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