If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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