I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i drank out of a bidet.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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