I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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