you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
