you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think a kid would responsible me up
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
