drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
