a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
