im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos