I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.