Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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