Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
