Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia

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  (202): He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia http://tfl.nu/7fa5
  Replies (17) Good night (2229) Bad night (787)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.

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  (516): I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos. http://tfl.nu/v11h
  Replies (8) Good night (1680) Bad night (518)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?

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  (305): If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette? http://tfl.nu/wdb5
  Replies (50) Good night (1242) Bad night (2839)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.

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  (850): Miracle whip is the devil's jizz. http://tfl.nu/kavw
  Replies (16) Good night (1526) Bad night (1939)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.

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  (248): the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it. http://tfl.nu/bv5q
  Replies (15) Good night (2854) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  time to smoke my breakfast

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  (724): time to smoke my breakfast http://tfl.nu/9r0k
  Replies (13) Good night (5247) Bad night (942)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.

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  (973): so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning. http://tfl.nu/luil
  Replies (65) Good night (1359) Bad night (6899)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.

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  (315): Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30. http://tfl.nu/jue0
  Replies (4) Good night (2529) Bad night (1335)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.

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  (401): I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type. http://tfl.nu/97ap
  Replies (4) Good night (2480) Bad night (976)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.

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  (651): Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone. http://tfl.nu/buth
  Replies (2) Good night (1753) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.

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  (623): I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me. http://tfl.nu/we23
  Replies (5) Good night (1484) Bad night (666)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him

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  (254): I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him http://tfl.nu/r8ta
  Replies (2) Good night (1934) Bad night (647)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting

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  (772): Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting http://tfl.nu/dlj4
  Replies (2) Good night (1011) Bad night (561)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.

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  (479): She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday. http://tfl.nu/do6j
  Replies (1) Good night (912) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals

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  (573): Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals http://tfl.nu/3npx
  Replies (5) Good night (801) Bad night (384)

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