Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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