Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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