Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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