Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
