I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
