Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
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I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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