gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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